Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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