I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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