when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Come on in and take your pants off
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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