so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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