I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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