Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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