he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
