Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
