the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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