There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
