Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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