a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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