I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
two words...techno handjob
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
