I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
