a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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