No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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