ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
