I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
