a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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