used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
