Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
