okay pat passed out under dana's car
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
