He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
