what day is it and did you see me today?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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