this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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