I'm eating all of the evidence.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
