I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
