Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
