i'm signing you up for texting rehab
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
