omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
