win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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