What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
