apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize