I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
