just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
be right there i have to get my cape
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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