I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
