He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
