So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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