Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
