you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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