it was like his penis was on wheels.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my liver is dry heaving
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
