Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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