She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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