I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
nutella sex= disaster
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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