This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
