Define "chronic" masturbator.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
