I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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