did you get engaged???
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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