If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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