He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
