my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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