Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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