If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
