Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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