So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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