Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
