true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
