i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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