Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
