Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i think im in europe. pls send help
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
