do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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