Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
