filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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