Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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