mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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