we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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