your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just high enough for therapy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
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