she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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