There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
