Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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