If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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