You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
