I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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