no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
