Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
