i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
