I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
